The Finer Points of Poverty
by: Timothy Ward
I'm poor. And I'm not ashamed of it. Actually, I'm kind of proud of myself for being poor. It's an accomplishment that many people will never attain. Some people will go through their whole life and never know what it's like to experience some of the finer points of poverty like eating ramon noodles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner 5 days a week. My heart goes out to these types of people. The Fourtunate Ones. People who've always had electricity, nice cars, and proper clothing.
I wasn't always poor. I had to work hard at it. I had to quit several jobs without finding new ones. I had to spend 75% of my paycheck at the bar when I knew my bills would have easily taken 90%. I had to max out credit cards and never pay on them. I had to give money to females that I knew would never pay it back. And most importantly I had to move to a small town where $6.00 and hour is considered 'good money'.
I didn't know that I was putting myself in line for poverty while I was doing all these things. I just woke up one day and realized that I couldn't pay my car note because I only had 11 cents in the bank. And that's when it hit me: I'm POOR! It took me 25 long years but I finally nose-dived below the poverty line. I was now in the same category as the homeless and welfare recipients. No more was I hindered by riches. I had shed that lifestyle. I got up and fixed myself a mayonaisse sandwich to celebrate. Delicious!
As a poor person I am entitled to certain privledges to which the well-to-do won't every be privy. I decide haved to list a few:
- Instead of lugging around a wallet full of heavy dollar bills I now pay for important purchases like gasoline and food with spare change that I scavenge up around the house.
- I get to shop at stores with improperly spelled titles like Sav-A-Lot, Thrif-Ti-Mart, and DisKount King. These stores offer a wide variety of out-dated, slightly damaged merchandise that Wal-Mart shoppers can only dream of.
- I get to drool at resturant commercials on TV because I know I will never be able to afford meals like that again unless a rich relative dies
- I get to wear my friend's hand-me-down clothes and shoes. This means that I rarely match and my feet ache constantly from wearing shoes that are three sizes too small.
- I get to freely engage in the offical sports of the National Poor People's Association: begging and borrowing.
- I get to go to bed every night with the comforting thought that if I ever do meet MS. Right I can't afford to date her.
I'll stop there because I see the envy rising to dangerous levels in a few reader's eyes. These readers probably have steady jobs and nice homes or apartments. Their bills are probably caught up. They probably have an immense wardrobe with properly sized shoes. Their bank account probably never drops below $5,000. I apologize to these readers if my boasting about my impoverished condition has made them feel inferior and totally removed any self-esteem they may have had left. All I can say is that I never meant to be poor. I was just in the right places at the right times. Maybe one day all of you will find yourselves on the Road to Rags as well. Until then you can check in with me if you want to know what it's like. I'll be the guy on the side of the interstate off-ramp with the 'Will Work For Food' sign. Pull your Mercedes right up and ask me anything. I promise I won't laugh.
About The Author
Timothy Ward invites you to subscribe to his weekly humor column 'I Never Said I Was Normal' at http://www.timward.1afm.com.
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Munro Sandals for Summer 2005
Munro Sandals for Summer 2005
by: Jeff Lakie
Munro shoes offer unbeatable comfort and value.
Made in America, their sandals come in an astounding variety of fashionable colours and textiles, sure to suit your every mood.
Flip-flops and mules are still popular this season, but Munro has introduced a wonderful collection of that old summer favourite, the sandal.
There is a whole host of different varieties of Munro Shoes from which to choose.
If you're looking for something sporty and fun, then the Aruba sandal might be just what you're looking for.
Its brightly coloured leather upper contrasts beautifully with the chocolate brown sole, making it the perfect choice for those summer picnics.
If you're heading out to the beach this season, then the Jamaica sandal is a great choice.
It's cool and comfortable- the perfect treat for your feet.
Munro shoes also designed the Duet sandal, a sophisticated...
Munro Sandals for Summer 2005
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There Are Always Time For Women Shoes Shopping
There Are Always Time For Women Shoes Shopping
by: Diana Claire
It has been known for centuries that women have been dressing up since long time ago and will be for centuries to come that they also going to wear different kind of shoes. When there are a crowed of women, there are always be some interesting stylish stuffs around. You can find example at shopping spree. Shoes shopping is always an interesting moment for them.
Women always love shopping. No matter where they are or where they go, shopping has always been one of the top priorities of their agenda. Most women, including you, want to look gorgeous and attractive to anyone you meet. You will dress in lovely clothes and try to be as perfect as you can. Among the outfit that means so much to your appearance, shoes certainly take an important role. Perfect shoes will make your look more appealing.
Now, what can you say about women?s shoes? Which model would you choose for yourself?...
There Are Always Time For Women Shoes Shopping
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Go Karts Are Fun, But Are They Safe?
Go Karts Are Fun, But Are They Safe?
by: J Larry Alan
Go karts are thrilling, but are they dangerous? By taking a few safety precautions you can eliminate just about all of the dangers.
Go karts are fast, exciting and easy to handle, and there are tracks all over the country catering to every age range from kids to teens to adults. Gokarts are generally easy to drive, easy to control and are how you can experience the excitement of Formula One racing without as much of the danger.
Go-karts are just beginning to come into their own and are geared toward beginners in either off road or paved track go kart racing. They are built to withstand years of use and abuse and are terrific when it comes to performance, styling and low maintenance.
There are many types of vehicles that are built for fun. These include ATVs, dirt bikes, scooters, mopeds, mini bikes and go karts. If you are looking to find some excitement with 4 wheels then you...
Go Karts Are Fun, But Are They Safe?
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Sell With an Attitude
Sell With an Attitude
by: Jay Conners
When selling a product or giving a sales presentation, you always want to convey a positive, upbeat attitude at all times. This will send a crystal clear message to your audience that you believe in the product you sell, and that they should also.
It is rare that you come across a person in sales that is down on his luck, moping around with his head down, and feeling sorry for himself. This person is definitely in the wrong business.
Attitude is everything in sales, from the gleam in your eye, right down to the polished shoes on your feet.
Have you ever heard the expression ?smile, it?s contagious?? well it?s true, your smile is contagious, so smile when you greet your customer, they most definitely will return the gesture.
Imagine someone trying to sell you something without ever looking you in the eye, or shaking your hand upon meting you. This would be an indication to most people that...
Sell With an Attitude
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Why Soft Spikes Are Hot and Metal Spikes Not
Why Soft Spikes Are Hot and Metal Spikes Not
by: John Bolt
Who Needs Golf Spikes?
Golf spikes are found on the bottom of the players shoes. They are mainly used to help keep the player stable during their golf swing. They also aid in the prevention of slipping or moving during the swing. They also help the golfer get a good grip in the turf, gravel, or sand.
Originally the spikes on the players shoes where made of steel or other metal materials that were very strong and durable. Typically there are between 8 and 12 spikes on each shoe depending on the different manufactures.
The spikes are positioned in set out patterns on the soles of the golf shoes to encourage traction.
Recently metal spikes were changed to what is known as soft spikes.
These new spikes are made from highly durable types of plastic that have a number of smaller spikes instead of one big one.
Why the Change?
First of all, the metal...
Why Soft Spikes Are Hot and Metal Spikes Not
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Mineral Makeup ? Natural Makeup for a Healthier Skin
Mineral Makeup ? Natural Makeup for a Healthier Skin
by: Dr Bianca Tavares
Mineral makeup is nothing new. In fact the Egyptians were using it over two thousand years ago. However it?s now back at a makeup counter near you bringing with it freshness, convenience and a much healthier skin.
As a doctor I know what damage some traditional makeup products can cause the skin if worn over time for prolonged periods without adequate cleansing. So the advent of...
Mineral Makeup ? Natural Makeup for a Healthier Skin cosmetics
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Tapping Our Water Supplies
Tapping Our Water Supplies
by: Peter Young
H2o. Two atoms of hydrogen and one atom of oxygen, are all that make up the most important substance to all living things on earth.
Water, as it is more commonly known, has a slight hint of blue in its most pure form and is known to be the most universal solvent. In its three states, water takes on many different forms: water vapour and clouds in the sky, waves and icebergs in the sea, glaciers and aquifers on...
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